This is an old revision of the document!
We're gonna
party like it's 1981
Channeling the Satanic Panic
Save or die!
Save or be forced
to play D&D 4e
You can't have “slaughter” without “laughter”
You can't have “funeral” without “fun”
You can't have “adventure” without 'U'
You have died of dysentery.
Fumble! You trip over a deceased, imaginary turtle. You are very confused.
Fumble! You lose your grip on your weapon and reality.
Fumble! You lose your wind and realize you should try to relax.
Fumble! You slip into fog of mind and take a round to collect your thoughts.
”'Tis but a scratch!”
Remember, it's just a game
Blood and souls for my Lord… er… what was his name again?
You know you're all Chaotic Greedy anyway
Friends don't let friends be Chaotic Stupid
Retro fun for a modern lifestyle
That which does not kill you gives you XP
Casting Feather Fall helps for when the party lets you down
Fortunately, rolling up a new character only takes a few minutes
Never trust a smiling Dungeon Master
It's called “thieves' cant” because they literally can't
“It's my fault Black Leaf died. I can't face life alone!”
– Marcie
It's all fun and games until someone fails a saving throw
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger
Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup
“We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.”
– George Bernard Shaw
Want to be a baller, party caller, 20-side roller and classic hexcrawler
Are you sure you want to do that?
It's dangerous to go alone, take this: 
It's dangerous to go alone, take this: 
It's dangerous to go alone, take this: 
It's dangerous to go alone, take this: 
It's dangerous to go alone, take this: 
Boomer D&D: “We are brutal mercenaries who take whatever isn't nailed down. We get killed because we didn't understand the ten paragraph description of the trapped room.”
Gen X D&D: “It is a dark time, and it calls for dark heroes. Let us explore this grim tale. Did I mention how dark it is?”
Millennial D&D: “We are heroes out to save the world, and also save ourselves from all this sexual tension with the NPCs.”
Gen Z D&D: “We are starting a small business and then totally boning with that werewolf. Railing them hard and on camera.”
Fortune favors the bold
Fortune has bold flavors 
Bold flavors cost fortunes
Remember, it's not your childrens’ fault they are being drawn into a Satanic world of nightmare
“Dungeons & Dragons... Satan's game”
“Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk!”
“Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!”
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Zero to hero
Roaches to riches
DM, what is best in life?
To crush the characters, see their dice driven before me and hear the lamentations of the players
“The worthy GM never purposely kills players’ PCs, he presents opportunities for the rash and unthinking players to do that all on their own.”
― Gary Gygax
An unemployed jester is nobody's fool
“Maybe I’m just getting too old to want to have to deal with a heap o’ rules and the steaming heap o’ rules lawyers who go with them.”
― Gary Gygax
Fight on!
Q: Why do paladins wear chainmail?
A: Because it’s holey armor.
Q: How do you get a D&D player to go out with you?
A: You ask them for a d8
Q: What tool helps a wizard with writing the correct runes into their spellbook?
A: A spell checker
Q: Why did the Drow become a comedian?
A: For the Lolth
Q: Why do thieves wear leather armor?
A: Because it's literally made from hide
